Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My heart gives in to kindness and attention

Today we were gathered for Iftar Jamaie at ASTAKA with all CMLHS friends and families. A real gathering for me since I came back from Mekah. Missing all good friends. This could also be my last gathering since my heart is really seeking blessing from Allah swt to start my PHD. Another lonely journey to success. I went through my masters and it was a truly lonely period of time. A sacrifice of 2 years but it was worth it.

I miss having him in my life yet his silence is killing me inside. As I have told myself over and over again, good people do not last in my life. Tq Fai for the short pit stop. When I see people with kindness, I see you. And I know it is the best decision for you not to be here with me anymore. Tq Allah for the short love and kindness.

And guess who is back in my life? I remember I promise Allah in front of Kaabah, I will receive the next honest love from a man. And he is back in my life. With so many regrets of not pursuing his love the first time, he said this time he will not stop till he gets what he wants. My heart slowly shy away with his sincere and honest wish. He wants and he says it.

Does Allah not promise us all happiness in His own way? Does not Allah promise to take care of us? Why worry? Love him back, Has...love him back..Regardless of whatever, love him back..appreciate love when it is knocking at your door..then how come I miss Fai?

Allah..help me....I listen to Sami Yusuf's song over and over again..seeking love from Allah..I need all the strength to pray..day and nite...Istikharah, Tahajjud, Taubat, Dhuha, Hajat...all waiting for me every nite..

I miss u Ya Allah..Make me forget him..and those who hurt me..Let me love one man..and if he is the one for a better future, I am grateful with this kindness Ya Allah....

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