Monday, January 19, 2009

For the hundreth time...I surrender to kindness



Lately I notice, I am a bit sensitive on the issue of men taking advantage of women. I feel for those who have been cheated, who have been lied and who have been taken granted of. Not that I am not grateful with intelligent and kind men around me. Friends at UMP, my male family members are those very near to my heart. But I keep meeting those who do not fit as a gentleman. Those who believe that women are their slaves, financially, sexually and emotionally. I have lost a great weight of respect towards men who hurt and hurt and hurt women, intentionally. Unfair world but this is the truth. Yet, when unexpectedly I receive kindness from a man, a huge amount of sincerity...I surrender. Being a muslim, I have great faith on Allah's blessing and His love towards me and all Muslims around the world. I am here, standing strong (which deep inside, I am still the frightened-to-be-hurt Haslinda), saying yes to love and saying yes to a try-out-long-term-hope. This is such a risky situation. I am aware that this time if things go wrong, I might end up hurting not just myself but also R's heart. Oh dear..I don't have the heart to hurt anybody, again. Ya Allah. Give me the strength to be kind and give me the patience in the world to sustain and maintain this relationship till...I don't know..it could lead to marriage. We never know the promises Allah has for us. I have big hopes, nevertheless small expectation. R knows where we stand. I don't want to scare him with my ideas and philosophies of marriage and happiness. This time, I just want to be Haslinda without wealth, without high education, without glamour career (haha), without fame for being a motivator (another haha)...I just want to be Haslinda with a kind heart. A statement to be my guidance till I am given the opportunity to be a good wife and a guide till I die. Be with me, Ya Allah. Pray for me, dear friends and students. Be my strength, dear family members. To R at Istana Budaya, welcome to my world! A world of love and humor as a small contribution to happiness..
Guide me..be with me..The rest of it belongs to Allah's fate on us..

2 comments:

Tym said...

Amiin to all your prayers..May you find true love n happiness with this special someone :)

Has_Hashim said...

Akak...tq for the prayer...semuanya belum ada kepastian kak...hakikatnya, Allah saja yang tahu..tq tq tq tq